Escaping the Lockdown in Thailand

We’d arrived in Pai on the 21^st March and I’d broken my shoulder the day after. Now on the 23^rd, I couldn’t really leave my room cos I had to wear long sleeves and trousers to protect my cuts and scrapes from the awful north Thai air. Andy and I only left to buy meds and a sling…

(what a mess I look)

…and to go for food. And even over these three short days, we noticed Pai was emptying.

This Endgame quote perfectly sums it up.

Back in our hostel room, a little community was building. Nobody was bothering to leave cos there was nothing to do. There was an Aussie who spent most of his time watching Netflix, and a German lad who was a genuine conman. He told us of various schemes he had done to take money off of Apple, and also about his part-time job as a catfish on a mobile dating app. He was paid to pretend to be a girl and chat to guys. He’d also recently been in a motorbike crash, so he offered me advice and painkillers. Nice guy, actually.

Everyone just wanted to go home now. We all just wanted to stay on the wifi, so that we could keep an eye on our flights.

That night, the police dropped by at the Bodega unannounced, with flashing lights, torches and guns, to make sure nobody was partying. We saw some people at the bar looking terrified, hoping the bobbies wouldn’t pick up on the smell of weed in the air.

In the morning we made our way back to Chiang Mai. The minibus took me past the place I crashed.

*shudders*

Bus companies had started to cancel buses, and there was a rumour that Chiang Mai would tomorrow go into full lockdown, with nobody allowed in or out. So we booked flights from Chiang Mai airport to Bangkok. We were cutting it very, very fine. Looking back, we had timed it all perfectly, as Chiang Mai did lock down the following day. Our German conman friend was likely stranded up there, along with a load of other careless travellers.

We arrived at the airport early, and our flight got delayed. At first we thought it had been cancelled. We had a lot of time to kill.

Uno and a McDonald’s.

McDonald’s were still open in Thailand. They had all closed in the UK the day before. We enjoyed having a gloat.

It was only an hour’s flight to Bangkok. We flew by a massive thunderstorm which lit up the sky for the majority of the flight. It was impressive.

Masks were a must on the plane. The plane was full, but new social distancing rules meant all the middle seats were left vacant.

All social distancing was then forgotten on the transfer coach.

Then remembered again.

We caught a Grab to our hotel (eventually, as a dickhead Grab driver kept accepting my call and just not showing up – and if you cancel too soon, you get charged). We booked the Ok Home hotel right next to the airport – there was literally no point heading into the city centre now everything was closing, and we wanted to be as close to the airport as possible JUST IN CASE.

And this is where we stayed for two whole days. All we could do was visit the 7/11 next door. The hotel owner had warned us not to go to the other 7/11 down the street (if we felt adventurous) cos people had died from the coronavirus down there. Gulp.

The owner was a weird one. He asked us if we liked women when we checked in. I presumed he was just trying to ask if we were gay – seeing as we were two lads sharing a room. But no. He was asking if we would like some women. We told him we weren’t interested in prostitutes.

Our room was probably the best one we stayed in allllllllll holiday. We got terribly over excited about the mini fridge, big comfy beds and a TV – on which there was only a handful of channels we could watch and understand. One played an advert for Justice League (and only that) on every ad break. Oh, and occasionally an ad for some upcoming movies on the channel featuring powerful women. Andy and I eventually resembled Cleveland and Quagmire when Stewie locks them in the basement – reciting allllll the words.

There was also a pool here, where you could sunbathe to the relaxing sound of planes taking off. We weren’t sure if lockdown forbade us from swimming though. There was also room service, but the menu in the room was wrong and the guy answering the phone did not have a clue what was going on. Watching Andy try to order room service was a laugh.

One night, Andy and I fancied a pizza. But around the airport there were ZERO restaurants, and all the closest ones were closed. So we ordered some off of Grab.

The sizes were pathetic. These were mediums. Get out.

We finally broke out the Trivial Pursuit.

Bangkok, baby! Living the wild life.

The next night we ordered Dairy Queen.

I ate an entire tub and immediately felt very, very ill. Just what you need the night before you try and get through an airport where people are checking your temperature.

These are the actual highlights of our final days on our trip. Ice cream and card games. It felt like a quarantine.

Our flight was early in the morning, but we got ourselves there four hours early. We were worried there may be a first-come-first-serve policy – we knew the flight had been overbooked.

Thankfully, we could check in. I told the receptionist and the stewardesses that my arm wasn’t broken, even though I had no idea. I needed to get on that plane. They let me on. And we left Thailand, on time.

For the first time in almost a month, RELIEF. Our plane landed in Helsinki, and there were no problems getting to Heathrow, where Andy’s dad picked us up.

The Finns, man. They’re amazing. In such chaotic times, there were no issues at all. Bravo, FinnAir.

The Covid Tour was OVER. Prematurely. Now it was time to experience British lockdown.

 

Here are some top tips Andy and I have come up with if YOU want to emulate US:

• Always take two pairs of trunks. You’ll deffo lose one.
• Don’t take all your money out with you.
• Double check which ATMs to use (some overcharge you).
• Always go for the cheaper restaurants cos it all tastes the same.
• Always lock your bag – otherwise expect the least expected thing to be stolen (Andy’s shaver).
• If you get offered a fake pair of Ray Bann’s for a quid, buy them.
• Don’t book too far ahead of yourself – especially when there’s a pandemic going on.
• Only have one bucket on a night out.
• Drink water!
• Don’t buy too many shirts/vests – you’ll never wear them again.
• Hostel pools are good places to make good mates.
• During a pandemic, it’s better to be in Thailand than Cambodia.
• Make sure the bus you booked is leaving at midnight TONIGHT, not midnight THIS MORNING.
• Don’t ride a moped if you cannot ride a moped (Andy says “if you can though, do, cos they’re really fun).
• Embrace the bum gun – they’re excellent. But keep it to your arse – we heard of a girl who had been (unknowingly) using them to wash her face.

And most importantly,

• Don’t visit Sihanoukville.

 

For now, SE Asia, it is goodbye. I’m sure we’ll meet again, don’t know where, don’t know when. But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day…