Whilst I had been sweating my balls off climbing temples at Angkor Wat, Andy had had a more relaxing time, wandering around Siem Reap.
He actually fell asleep during his fish spa.
Anyway, the plan for the night ahead was to experience a Friday night in our party hostel…
Apparently, Fridays at Funky Flashpacker mean gender bending.
Don’t worry if you forget to pack your dresses lads – the hostel offers a hand. Earlier that afternoon, a clothes rail had appeared by the pool with a beautiful selection of dresses for us to peruse. Andy and I met a lady named Claire who helped us pick our evening outfits. I slipped comfortably into her first choice, but Andy (the diva) discarded two dresses before settling on this leopard printed number.
Gender Bender wristbands cost $10 and for that you get three hours of unlimited beer and mixers. BARGAIN.
We sat in the rooftop bar for a while, the only men in dresses – apart from one of the reps named Luke behind the bar. All day, this guy had been chatting up these loud, sketty chav-ettes from our dorm, but now he was immersing himself so deeply in this new female persona and the girls did not like it all. They were creeped out, and turned into shrinking violets at the bar, refusing to socialise with anyone.
Eventually more people arrived so we felt less conspicuous. We could sit more comfortably.
This is how girls sit, right? Tbf, I had a new respect for lasses – I couldn’t live my life in dresses. It’s too warm! Especially in Cambodia! The dress was really tight around my chest. Also, it was an annoyance when I was stood at the urinal. I reckon the girls that showed up in lads clothes had never felt so comfortable.
When the three hours of free drinking was up, we were invited to take part in a fashion show – ladyboys vs mangirls. The Funky reps decided that the three chavs should be the judges. “Why?” I hear you ask, for they had been MIA all night. Who knows. One of the reps probably thought they had a chance…
BREAKING NEWS: SOME REPS ARE SLEAZY AF.
I tried my best but I’m not a sexy dancer as a man, never mind as a woman. And Andy had had way too much to drink to be seductive. The two best mangirls and the two best ladyboys had a final dance-off. Our friend Claire lost out to a girl named Lian.
With the champions chosen, I quickly returned to my room to change into boy clothes. When I returned to the rooftop bar, Andy was deep in conversation with our dorm-mates, so I left him to it and played some pool against a very drunk Claire. Lian joined us and I learned that Lian was as good at playing pool as she was at playing a man. Soon, Lian and I took on a French couple and thrashed them. Oosh.
At some point during England vs France, Andy left with the chavs and headed to Pub Street.
5 or so hours later they returned. Loudly. The girls literally didn’t give a toss that they were sharing this dorm with 10 other people (now you understand why I’ve been slating them throughout this blog). It was as if we all weren’t there. Tbf to Andy, he was quiet, and silently collapsed on my bed, before rolling onto the floor, then climbing onto my bed, then rolling onto the floor again, making sure to crash into the next-door bed of the loudest chav.
Obviously, there were a fair few hangovers the morning after. But it had been a great night. Almost everyone we met had been sound.
Claire was feeling rough after the night before.
Our prior party hostel experiences had taught us that a swimming pool really helps you with a hangover. We got ourselves into a game of volleyball with Lian and her friends Anya and Anna – that eventually became a full on ball war – Manchester vs London.
That night, the London Girls joined Andy and me for a few beers.
We shared traveller tales and life stories – as you do. We were then joined by one of the reps, who imposed himself upon our conversation without invitation. I think he was Swedish. He droned on and on and on about something. Andy was enticed.
I eventually “went to the toilet” for about 15 minutes. I couldn’t take it. This Swedish rep had apparently told Anna the night before that he loved her, having met her earlier that day.
BREAKING NEWS: SOME REPS ARE SLEAZY AF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was begging us (the girls) to come out out. It was a NO from us. Later on we were sat by the pool and the Swede almost started on Andy, accusing him of slagging him off to the girls. He walked up to him, but I reckon he then remembered he was representing Funky Flashpacker, and suddenly acted all cool and buddy-buddy. We hadn’t been slagging him off before then, but his pathetic little stunt prompted us into a brutal conversation about the idiot.
That night, our dorm had to endure another Chavvy ordeal. One of them was hurling from the top bunk, whilst the loudest girl next to me brought back a lad.
I always expected on this trip that I’d have to at some point put up with people shagging in the next bed. I wasn’t ready for it though.
Can you ever be ready for it?
THANK GAWD FOR THE HEADPHONES.
On the morrow, Andy and I were leaving Siem Reap and catching a bus to Battambang. We had one last lounge in the pool.
Not a care in the world. Relaxed. Happy. I remember posting this to Instagram with a caption saying “how I’m dealing with the Coronavirus threat”, in reference to the madness I was witnessing on social media where people were hoarding toilet rolls and soap. People in Britain were being ridiculed by those in Asia, who were just getting on with life with an increased level of caution.
Oh, how karma was about to bite us.
#VidOnTour 