We left Skye and arrived on the mainland. By now, Rob, Andy and Joel were finished. Me too tbh. Our original plan was to end the day in Inverness and have a night out in the capital of the Highlands. But the energy had drained out of us all. Apart from Andy, who had turned the stress of our last day or so into fuel to go out and go full Darth Sidious.
As we were leaving Skye, the miserable weather that had goaded us all day was dissipating, and the dramatic sky was reflecting beautifully on Loch Alsh. Brendan the photographer suddenly found some energy and suggested a stop by Eilean Donan. We had already visited it yesterday, but the weather had been very wet. Now, it looked promising. Tired as I was, I backed Brendan’s idea to give Eilean Donan another go.
We were very right to. The castle was closed but the gates had been left open. This was my third visit and the first time I had been able to cross the bridge.
Thissssssss is the mood you come to Scotland to see. There was barely anyone around as well – just how I like it.
We walked around the castle, snapping away. It was so nice, even Rob emerged from the safety of the campervan to take some photos.
There though is the smile of a man who wants you to hurry up so we could move on.
The water was still and perfectly reflected the sky. It was also pretty clear – you could see the weeds dancing below the surface.
But soon enough, it started to rain again and we had to leave.
We got ourselves back on the NC500 route. The final destination was the start/finish point at Inverness Castle. Getting there would take us through some sparsely populated land, and we had a new peril to contend with: fuel. We didn’t have enough to get to Inverness, and as it was nearly 9pm, we didn’t have time to reach the smaller fuel stations before they closed at 10pm. Through every tiny village I looked to see if there was a petrol station that Google Maps had not yet found; to no avail.
Finally, around 20 miles from Inverness and with only 19 miles of fuel left, we found an open fuel station in a place called Contin. It was a splash and dash (the prices were quite high) and we were on our way.
We pulled into Inverness Tesco where we fuelled up again and bought Rob some jeans – he had absolutely ruined his in the infamous Fairy Pools Disaster. When Rob was sorted, we headed round to the road we’d parked on on our first day in Inverness. Tonight we would stay here, but not before we experienced the Inverness nightlife. On the park next to us we could hear a school after-prom party. I knew it was a school after-prom because some drunk kids rounded the corner looking for a taxi.
Andy, Brendan, Joel and I dolled ourselves up and walked up the street to Inverness Castle. Rob had decided it was not safe for him to leave the motorhome again and set about cleaning.
The End. The Walking And Talking Society had completed the North Coast 500, at great personal cost.
The castle looked spectacular with its floodlights.
Standing in front of the lights, Brendan and Andy cast obscene silhouettes onto the facade of one of the Highlands’ iconic landmarks.
It was time to celebrate. We headed to Revolution – cos it’s a safe starting point and they do 2-4-1 cocktails. Inside we found some actual children. They were dressed very fancy and had obviously just come from their prom. I witnessed some more children approach the doormen, argue the case, and enter the bar. Clearly, the bouncers up here don’t give a fuck. Unless the legal drinking age up here is 16? I don’t know.
Anyway. Brendan nearly got himself in a fight with a drunk guy who dropped his own cocktail, and Andy wasn’t receiving the best reactions from the locals for his tartan pants. After many drinks were consumed, it was time to leave and head to the bar we’d visited on our first day.
Johnny Foxes. In one room it was a 90s Ibiza-style rave (it was empty) and in the next room it was an old man pub with a live musician. It was pretty bizarre flitting between the two.
There was also a real eclectic mix of clubbers. From young to very old, all in one place. I suppose there aren’t many places in the Highlands for everyone to socialise. I met a girl from Glasgow who hated Lewis Capaldi cos he wasn’t really from Glasgow – he was from Paisley. I’ll be honest, I didn’t fact check her.
Outside in the smoking area, you can cross the road and look out on the River Ness.
It was very pretty by streetlight. Also, this photo was taken at 2:20am – this was as dark as it got. In my slightly tipsy state I was fascinated with this. I still think it’s pretty cool – we were so far north it didn’t really get dark.
Eventually the inevitable happened. Andy Cox was possessed by the spirit of Emperor Palpatine and was kicked out. So we went for a kebab.
Shout out to this place! They did a pretty decent kebab – and it was one guy on his own! Not a job I envy. Unfortunately, I did have to wait a while for my kebab – so I can’t agree with the takeaway’s name.
With difficulty, we dragged Sidious back to the motorhome and went to bed. Unfortunately for me, I shared a bunk with the Darth – he’s a selfish prick when tired. He climbed upon me and fell asleep. We were basically 69ing and I couldn’t move him. I whacked on my headphones and imagined I was somewhere else.
The next morning Sidious has disappeared leaving this shell of a man.
Rob had driven us around to the Tesco Superstore for a bite to eat. Brendan and Joel remained in their beds as Andy and I set up the deckchairs on Tesco car park.
We looked like gypsies and we didn’t really care.
Eventually the other two got up and we were able to leave. Here’s a mirror selfie of me as we pass through the Cairngorms.
I’d like to visit the Cairngorms one day – it’s another area of outstanding natural beauty. But tbh right now we were all sick of Scotland. As brilliant as it had been, we yearned for England’s green and pleasant land. Alas, when we crossed the border it was grey and drizzly all the way to Bury.
At Andy’s we did a deep clean of the van. We scrubbed what needed scrubbing and fixed what we could, until it ended up looking as good as new.
Andy, Rob and I bid farewell to Rimor, and to Joel and Brendan who were driving her back to Drighlington.
In the days that followed, Camplify took £1000 out of Brendan’s account for absolutely no reason. Only when he complained did they put it back in. In the words of Brendan Clayton, they were “VERY POOR AT COMMUNICATION AND SHADY AF.” T.W.A.T.S. will not be using Camplify again, and do not endorse it.
We do however endorse the NC500. It’s a fabulous part of the world with so many things to see and do. I advise you properly plan where you want to go and give yourself a LOT of time to fit your destinations in. We didn’t and we rushed around, but we enjoyed it. And it’s on your doorstep (kinda)! Why look over your neighbour’s fence when you can enjoy your own back garden?
Check out our final leg in movie form. It includes a lot of Andy Cox dancing.
#VidOnTour 